As I'm sitting here at 11:30 at night I can only think of a few things, none of which were on my mind six months ago, let alone nine months ago when I graduated from college. As a wide-eyed soon to be college graduate I was more than excited to finish my senior year with a bang and move onto bigger and better things. I always knew that moment would come when my name would be called and I would walk across that stage, accept my college diploma and get a "big kid job" (after all that IS why I went to college, right?!) It wasn't that simple and it still isn't. I can remember it like it was yesterday, I was sitting in the hallway of my dorm a few weeks before graduation talking to my roommate - then all of a sudden it hit me like a brick from the ceiling.. I was about to graduate college and had NO idea of what I was going to do next. I started freaking out. It happened slowly, I started to panic, the walls started closing in and I felt like I couldn't breathe. For a second,I laughed about it, but then I started crying. And I don't mean crying like I did when I realized the Golden Girls ended after season seven, I mean bawling like a child who didn't get an ice cream cone in Disney World on the hottest day in August. My roommate tried to calm me down, but then it got worse. My neighbors all of a sudden started appearing from no where and before I knew it, I was surrounded by some of my dearest friends. They all sat down with me and poured their support, expressing that I was going to be alright and that everything would play out as it should. Looking back on this moment I'm incredibly grateful, but I also find it funny. It's funny how I was so scared of the future, finding a job and thinking about where I would end up after I graduated. It's funny how at that moment, the walls were closing in, the ceiling was falling and my life seemed like it was over before I even knew it started. My goals were to simply graduate and just take a lot of photos. Now, it's been nine months and not much has changed besides my goals (and maybe the fact that I'm living with my parents).
Here is a small run down of how things have changed:
1. I want less than 50 emails in all four email accounts I use
I'm down to 7,510 emails from over 10,000 in one account.. I have a LONG ways to go
2. I want to wake up not being tired
I used to be able to stay up until 2 AM every night, wake up at 9 AM and be ready to take over
the world. Now, I can barely stay up until 11 (tonight is unusual)
3. I was always game for any social function, party, get-together or outing (alcohol or not) - now I'm just interest in if there will be snacks
4. Golden Girls & I Love Lucy were on a constant repeat - Now, I brush my teeth, put on make up and get dressed to watching CNN
5. I used to think my parents were incredibly boring. They went to work, came home, made dinner then watched the news - and now, I'm not much better...
6. A filter was not really something I had - now I bite my tongue more than I actually speak
As I write this, my boyfriend asked, "what is the next step in your life, where do you want to go from here?" This question made me stop in my tracks and really think of how to answer. Where do I want to be? Where am I going? And to be completely honest, I'm no where near the end. I have a better idea of where I'm going than I did the night I was crying in the middle of my dorm hallway. There's a better grasp on what I want, but I'm not there yet. When I think about it, it would be unfair to say exactly what I want or where I'm going, because that road hasn't been discovered. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I'm excited for the ride ahead and I promise to tweet about it.
xoxo
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